You really coming over, don't trick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
