i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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