You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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