Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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