My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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