I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You ate ashes out of my bong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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