I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
