Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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