One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
