I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
