He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
