he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
