yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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