If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think my fart just growled at me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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