It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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