He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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