these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
