and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
