A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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