You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
