meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
