you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
