I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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