i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
