And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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