I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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