What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
