you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
