Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
