theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
