What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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