i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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