Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
