I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
