I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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