Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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