sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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