I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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