is your mom at the bar?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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