You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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