You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
