I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
