well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
