If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
