why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
