The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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