i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
