No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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