She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
