So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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