Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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