I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
