Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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