I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
