Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
