Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize