you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
