she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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