Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
