I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
