Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
