party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
