She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i've created a new STD.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
