ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize