Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
