i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
