my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
