think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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