I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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