I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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