Its about making memories worth repressing
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
