i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize