Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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