Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone shit on the floor
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
