I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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