Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
