it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
