I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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