I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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