my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
