after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
