I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
