I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
