u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
