his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
