she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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