you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
